I was the opposite of being my own person. I wasn’t in control of my life; I allowed others to influence me, and I was dependent on others emotionally.  I was over-helping, over-compensating, over-advising, over-focusing on others, over-ignoring my needs, over-taking other people’s responsibilities, over-explaining, over-spending, over-defending myself, and over-dependence on validation from others. I was not living my own life. I chose to be at the disposal of others with total disregard for myself. I didn’t see myself as a person because I felt like a nobody.

I lost my personhood in a dysfunctional marriage that I admit, was partly my fault. And because I was a people pleaser outside of the marriage, I devalued my personhood to be validated; and I allowed it. My next step on the road toward healing is being my own person. It’s an unsympathetic road. It’s a journey that demands self-reliance, self-sufficiency, self-assurance, and self-confidence. To realize the goal means taking complete control of my life, without any assistance or obstruction from external forces.

Today, in my everyday life, I am being my own person. Whatever I say, goes. I do exactly what I want to do. I don’t dim my light for anybody. I don’t need anybody’s permission. I choose my battles and usually win. I can say no, walk away, and feel no remorse. I enforce the rules in my apartment with ease. I take care of my financial responsibilities, food, clothing, and shelter. I am the boss of my life. I vow to be reasonable and sensible. I assert that I will listen and respond instead of reacting. I consent to be positive, polite and keep my emotions in check. I pledge to take responsibility for my life spiritually and physically. I commit to thinking things through and dealing with issues immediately. I affirm to stop procrastinating and get on with it, whether making big decisions or cleaning out the closet. I promise to love myself, be true to myself, and forsake all others.

Being my own person means being confident in my abilities and laughing at my flaws and quirks without defending them. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone. I’m not perfect; I have good qualities and not-so-good qualities. I am proud of my accomplishments and accept myself for who I am. I desire healthy interactions with family, friends, co-workers, or anybody without sacrificing myself. I would like a balanced give-and-take and support from others, with no more mooching off of me.

Making my own decisions regarding what is best for me ensures that my needs are met, and my values, goals, and happiness are not jeopardized. I am somebody. I am my own best friend, and my voice is getting stronger which gives me visibility. I am advocating on my behalf. The unsympathetic part of the journey is where family and friends reveal themselves. I am often met with hostility and mocking because they think I’m better than them or abandoning them, but in reality, it’s them rejecting my boundaries and me, as I take charge of my life. They want me to stay weak, miserable, and bendable so they can continue to exploit my vulnerability to satisfy their whims and demands. I’m not that sad, sick person anymore, I am the captain of my ship and steering it forward. I am living up to the new standards I set for myself to maintain a healthy lifestyle that is peaceful, purposeful, and productive. Being my own person feels good, it feels right, and it feels like me.