We Need Counselling
I am in a living hell that cannot be sustained. I still have mini meltdowns in my car and bathroom when I’m sabotaged or set up. I deal with it and try to be aware next time to catch the signs and ward them off. He invades my space, talking crazy, I absorb the verbal...
Nowhere to Go
I try to ignore my spouse when he comes looking for a fight. He’s craving chaos, so he provokes me by picking on the kids. I intervene, de-escalate, and tell the kids in his presence: it’s not about you; pray, forgive, and move on. I’m wriggling out of my spouse’s...
Love and Hate Part II
I had a love-hate relationship with myself because I didn’t know who I was. I grew up witnessing my parents’ love-hate relationship. I absorbed mixed messages and wrong messages from the messengers: my parents. I never got helpful messages to explain the ugly parts to...
Love and Hate Part I
I don't know if I love my spouse anymore, but I don't hate him. I hate his behavior. I know my spouse doesn't love me, but I don’t know if he hates me. He acts like he hates me. Maybe he hates that I’m moving forward. If I love my spouse, it’s not an intense feeling...
Argument? What Argument?
For over a decade, we argued over money, sex, cheating, weed, lying, unfair distribution of duties, family, friends, AA, church, fixing things around the house, and if it’s sunny or cloudy. Arguing the same talking points is not moving forward. It takes two to argue,...
Communication
Communication was non-existent because I was too emotional, overreacted, and stopped listening to my spouse—verbal abuse, shame and blame, and lying added fuel to the fire. I am civil when we talk about the kids or say hi & bye. But to get healthy and move on, I...
I Don’t Want to Live in My Feelings
I dealt with the dead about the past; now it’s time to deal with the living about the present. Just because I acknowledged feelings inwardly about the past doesn’t mean I mastered the art of dealing with my feelings outwardly. There is a whole range of feelings and...
How Did I Get Here? Part II
My fiancé and I decided to live together; we were a happy family planning our wedding. I thought I had him hooked, so I tried to change him. I demanded his time after work and constantly called when he was out drinking with the guys. I didn’t trust him; I never did. ...
How Did I Get Here? Part I
For me, getting healthy means starting at the beginning. How did I get here. I’ve been acting-out unresolved issues from my past under the guise of living. To go forward, I have to go backward. I remembered loud arguments between my parents as far back as the sixth...
Getting Started
Moving forward means taking action. Letting go is an act in itself. I don’t have the time nor energy to come home from work, cook, tend to the kids, deal with the chaos, and drive across town to attend meetings. But honestly, even if I did have the time, I don’t want...