On My Own
My beds and desk have arrived. I make my bed and flop on it like a kid. I do not know if it is a flash or for real, but right now I feel happy. I set my telework equipment up and arranged my desk. I am back at work. My apartment is completely furnished. My paid-off...
My Apartment
We unloaded and returned the U-Haul on time. Back at the apartment, I surveyed a maze of marked boxes and an ungodly amount of work yet to be done. My mood swung from one extreme to the other. I marveled at the first sunset at my new apartment but grieved the last...
The Last Straw Part II
My spouse tried to smooth over his abusive behavior with his usual tactics. I listened and looked him in the eye while he played the victim and blamed me. He finished, and I told him: this is the last straw; I’m leaving and filing for divorce. I saw the muscles in his...
The Last Straw Part I
I took the day off from work for no reason other than I wanted to. My spouse worked in the field, and I was sipping coffee and watching a movie in my recliner. We were in truce mode, and my spirits were good. I planned an afternoon of taking a walk and browsing the...
Just Leave
Even though I continue to build my savings account, my spouse is better off financially, and I asked him to leave, but enraged, he told me: this is my house! We didn’t revisit our tabled conversation about rekindling our marriage; we continued the cycle of truce, hot...
Empty Nest
The youngest went to prom, graduated high school, worked a summer job, and is college-bound: all finalized. Thank God. My babies are spreading their wings. I am amazed at how fast time flies, and looking back, I’m surprised how we persevered through all the drama,...
Getting My Finances Together
My financial anxiety came monthly, like the bills. The uncertainty of getting my spouse’s share made me grovel and flatter him, hoping his portion would be exact and timely. The imbalance in our financial responsibilities caused me to overspend unintentionally....
The Kindness of Strangers
The evening was uneventful; I said goodnight and went to bed. I greeted my spouse in the morning as I was leaving for work. My spouse responded with negativity and pettiness to bait me. I ignored it, and all hell broke loose. Thank God my youngest had already gone to...
Keeping Busy
I keep busy as I wait, hope, pray, and fantasize about leaving my abusive marriage. I don’t mean household chores, errands, my job, school activities, or reluctantly helping my spouse with his job. I mean, on my off days, when everything is clean and washed, it’s just...
Regaining My Dignity
My long-suffering mother maintained her dignity until the day she died. I modeled dignity from my mom before my marriage and during my marriage. But when my marriage unraveled, I became undignified. I took the moral high ground and got in the gutter with my spouse. I...