Getting My Finances Together
My financial anxiety came monthly, like the bills. The uncertainty of getting my spouse’s share made me grovel and flatter him, hoping his portion would be exact and timely. The imbalance in our financial responsibilities caused me to overspend unintentionally....
The Kindness of Strangers
The evening was uneventful; I said goodnight and went to bed. I greeted my spouse in the morning as I was leaving for work. My spouse responded with negativity and pettiness to bait me. I ignored it, and all hell broke loose. Thank God my youngest had already gone to...
Keeping Busy
I keep busy as I wait, hope, pray, and fantasize about leaving my abusive marriage. I don’t mean household chores, errands, my job, school activities, or reluctantly helping my spouse with his job. I mean, on my off days, when everything is clean and washed, it’s just...
Regaining My Dignity
My long-suffering mother maintained her dignity until the day she died. I modeled dignity from my mom before my marriage and during my marriage. But when my marriage unraveled, I became undignified. I took the moral high ground and got in the gutter with my spouse. I...
We Need Counselling
I am in a living hell that cannot be sustained. I still have mini meltdowns in my car and bathroom when I’m sabotaged or set up. I deal with it and try to be aware next time to catch the signs and ward them off. He invades my space, talking crazy, I absorb the verbal...
Nowhere to Go
I try to ignore my spouse when he comes looking for a fight. He’s craving chaos, so he provokes me by picking on the kids. I intervene, de-escalate, and tell the kids in his presence: it’s not about you; pray, forgive, and move on. I’m wriggling out of my spouse’s...
Love and Hate Part II
I had a love-hate relationship with myself because I didn’t know who I was. I grew up witnessing my parents’ love-hate relationship. I absorbed mixed messages and wrong messages from the messengers: my parents. I never got helpful messages to explain the ugly parts to...
Love and Hate Part I
I don't know if I love my spouse anymore, but I don't hate him. I hate his behavior. I know my spouse doesn't love me, but I don’t know if he hates me. He acts like he hates me. Maybe he hates that I’m moving forward. If I love my spouse, it’s not an intense feeling...
Argument? What Argument?
For over a decade, we argued over money, sex, cheating, weed, lying, unfair distribution of duties, family, friends, AA, church, fixing things around the house, and if it’s sunny or cloudy. Arguing the same talking points is not moving forward. It takes two to argue,...
Communication
Communication was non-existent because I was too emotional, overreacted, and stopped listening to my spouse—verbal abuse, shame and blame, and lying added fuel to the fire. I am civil when we talk about the kids or say hi & bye. But to get healthy and move on, I...