Let it Go
I will not heal overnight. Baby steps. The knowledge of knowing I can only change myself was a revelation. But could I apply the remedies from the AA pamphlet in real-time, under the same roof as my spouse, while I’m still messed up. How do I shed my anger,...
Out of Denial
I stopped asking my spouse personal questions about his whereabouts and the behavior I tried to cover up. I accepted that my spouse is an addict, liar, abuser, cheater, and I can’t fix him. I did whatever I could to protect myself and the kids from anxiety. I dealt...
Acceptance
My spouse and I are older but still cycle through ups and downs, truces, and false hope. My spouse’s AA books and recovery paraphernalia sat on a table in his mancave/bedroom/living room. I wasn’t allowed to touch them. I resented his AA stuff anyway because they...
I Gave as Good as I Got
I wasn’t innocent, but I never cheated on my spouse. My dad was a serial cheater, which made me immune to the snake charms of married men. Instead, I became the moral authority. That was my sin. I weaponized my morality. Thou shalt not commit adultery was my mantra....
Used, Abused and Embarrassed
I lost myself trying to find balance in the imbalanced, peace in the chaos, love in the hate, togetherness in the separate, truth in the lies, and holy in the unholy. My plate was full: taking care of my job, taking care of the house, taking care of the kids, and...
Infidelity: Married but Separate
In the beginning, my spouse and I did many loving things together as a married couple. It wasn’t all bad, and I have plenty of pretty pictures to prove it. But as the addictive behavior continued, the marriage deteriorated, and life got uglier. My spouse fell asleep...
Games, Manipulations and Control
My spouse withheld the grocery money I was promised the day before, and I got paid the following week. I stood in the kitchen, purse in hand, asking for money, and my spouse cut me off, double-talking and lying about not having money until two days later. The ugly...
Truce
After the chaos and a week of not speaking, my spouse called me at work; it could have been about the children, so I answered. I accepted his apology so we could move on, but before I knew it, I apologized too, even though I was innocent. When I hung up, I felt...
What About the Children? Part II
The explosion exploded, and the children witnessed the battle, so how do we go forward navigating the land mines. The aftermath of a fight can be just as bad: silence, slamming doors, snide remarks, tension, MIA father. I am on guard duty in my own home, trying to...
What About the Children? Part I
Being in a marriage with an addict feels like a war sometimes. The kids are collateral damage, the home becomes a battlefield, and the bedrooms become trenches. The children retreated in shock and silence the first time they saw a full-blown explosion of rage between...